Community Service
by alopecia
Summary: A tribute to Ben's speech at the DNC. Ryan lets loose his true feelings about community service requirements.


Author's Notes: This is a one-shot inspired by Ben at the DNC. Another big Thanks to Walter, a great beta.  
  
Community Service  
  
Maybe if he hadn't been so tired from a double shift at the Crab Shack, or if he hadn't been studying all last night to keep his grades up so the Cohens would let him work weekends, the words wouldn't have spilled out of his mouth. If he hadn't stopped in the kitchen for bottled water, then he could have gone directly to the pool house and pulled himself together with a nice hot shower. Or maybe if he had known Seth's parents could overhear their conversation from the living room he would have been more careful. At least then the words wouldn't have come out so unfiltered. He's known since before he could talk in full sentences that it's necessary to consider words before speaking them aloud – a lesson often taught by anger and fists.  
  
But Seth had been so jazzed up about some new PS2 game or comic book, blathering a mile a minute about it, that he was caught off guard when the topic was casually changed. Seth handed him a few sheets about community service options. He pointed to the pamphlet on top. "We can get rid of half our required hours by doing this. There's no heavy lifting, pod interactions, or minty uniforms. This 'College Fair' thing is perfect."  
  
Ryan scanned it and immediately lost it.  
  
"No fucking way! I will dress up like a damn penguin, bow and dance like an idiot, move tables, chairs and fancy sets back and forth all day for indecisive women with nothing better to do, but I will never hand out No.2s, and cheap spiral notebooks to underprivileged youths." His voice dripped with sarcasm. "Lottery tickets would be more helpful and honest than anything implying these kids can get anything out of a school where only half the toilets flush and the athletics program has one basketball hoop. The library's a joke, and most of the teachers can't read the newspaper."  
  
He paused to catch his breath before continuing. "I won't help some corporation so it can feel good about itself. You expect me to look these guys in the eye – 98% qualify for free lunch, 75% are from one-parent homes, god knows how many get their asses kicked at home, assuming they have a home – offer them a ruler and ask if they've considered how after school activities might improve their college resume? I hated those self- righteous people and I will never become one."  
  
Seth looked shocked and blinked dumbly at him. And Sandy and Kirsten walked into the kitchen at the unusual sound of Ryan's raised voice. Ryan threw the pamphlet back to Seth who read aloud, "Volunteer Opportunities - College Fair sponsored by Walmart at ... Chino Hills".  
  
Seth paused and sucked in a loud breath before he stated the obvious. "Oh, my God, you could know people there." Another pause and prolonged blink. "Okay, I'll take that as a 'not interested' in this opportunity."  
  
Ryan shook his head in disgust. "With all the worthwhile causes you can't find something... Is forty community service hours a year really too much to ask of you?"  
  
It slowly dawned on Ryan that everyone was staring at him. He flushed and looked intently at his water praying Seth would make it all go away with a joke. After a few more awkward moments, he tried one himself.  
  
"Actually, for my hours I'm waiting for the Democrats' invitation to speak at their convention." The joke fell on a baffled audience. "Marissa and I already signed up to work the Get Out the Vote booth at the beach volleyball tournament next week."  
  
A bizarre silence continued for a moment before Sandy smacked Seth in the back of his head with the papers he had in his hand. Seth said, "Ouch, hey, yeah, violence is the answer, Dad. Geez, I didn't realize... I'm rethinking that for my hours I'm all about helping Summer out of her candy stripes." Sandy smacked him again. "I mean helping Summer as a candy stripper."  
  
Kirsten smiled and said with exaggerated indignation, "Unlike the women who are, as Ryan said, 'indecisive women with nothing better to do', I'm decisive! I'm always for acetate bunting, and the bar is always in the front and center position. And fresh margs are a always a good thing."  
  
Sandy beamed, slapping Ryan on the shoulder, and said, "Ah, a fine liberal in the making. You'll be a card carrying ACLU member in no time, my son."  
  
Seth smirked and muttered, "Kiss ass."  
  
Ryan shrugged and couldn't look at anyone. He stumbled his way out to the pool house to pull himself together with a nice, hot shower. Maybe the editor in his head didn't have to be at the desk so diligently after all - let the words flow. 


End file.
